


i bet he's got that touch (makes you fall in love)

by subgyeom



Series: yugyeom-centric collection [3]
Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Kim Yugyeom, Cheating, Jeon Jungkook Being an Asshole, Kim Yugyeom & Min Yoongi | Suga Friendship, M/M, Minor Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin, Rimming, Top Park Jinyoung | Jr., Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 02:10:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12644013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subgyeom/pseuds/subgyeom
Summary: jeon jeongguk has ruined him.





	i bet he's got that touch (makes you fall in love)

**Author's Note:**

> early this week i felt like shit and i like to project my feelings of not being good enough onto my biases, so here's seven thousand words of yugyeom being a very sad boi :))) ~~also i swear i love jeongguk and jimin, they're just assholes for the sake of plot~~
> 
> (title from perfect by selena gomez)

yugyeom waits.

it’s three in the morning. the apartment is silent, except for the whirring of an old heater they could never quite fix. he’s curled up on the couch, hiding himself in the cold from one of the blankets he’d dug out from the back of his shared wardrobe. it’s warm and untainted, hasn’t been touched in years, unlike every little thing that surrounds him. he finds it comforting, how the brush of scratchy material feels nothing like soft sheets and equally soft hands, how the vibrant colour doesn’t remind him of dark eyes.

the door clicks open.

_ he _ ’s standing there, face perking up when he sees yugyeom, looking up with dead eyes and a fake smile that he doesn’t notice is strained. and he doesn’t deserve to look like that, face lit up with happiness, because if he was really so pleased, why the fuck would he-

_ calm yourself. _

“darling, why are you still up?”  _ don’t call me that,  _ yugyeom thinks, but back down in reality he just replies.

“couldn’t sleep.” it’s a lie, burning like acid on his tongue, but somehow not. because he knows if the other wasn’t around, if this boy (and yes, boy - not a man - because someone with any sense of maturity would not go and break his heart like this) got the fuck out of his life, then he would sleep sound at night, wouldn’t be plagued with memories of what he’s seen and thoughts of what he hasn’t. but at the same time, he feels some fucked up sense of duty, like he has to wait for the other, because being in the other’s arms is all he’s ever known and a small, small part of him is still in love with him.

“good thing i’m here now then!” he grins his bunny-toothed grin and yugyeom feels his heart sink into his chest even more.

“yeah, good.”

-

he’s sixteen when he meets jeon jeongguk.

(the boy walks into yugyeom’s class. he’s shorter than him, just by a little, with a charming smile. he’s shy and stutters through his introduction and yugyeom pays him little attention, lost in his own world - )

he’s seventeen when jeon jeongguk kisses him.

( - then he pushes him into the wall just before the bell for class sounds - pecks him on the lips with a teasing smile - and yugyeom feels himself fall a little for the way he’s grown into himself - how he’s grown in just a year - )

he’s eighteen when he falls in love with jeon jeongguk.

( - and when the other takes him out for a picnic - blushing as he admits help from his friend seokjin with the food  - presses kisses on his forehead as they lie and watch the stars - and it’s under a dark sky that yugyeom realises that he’d do anything to stay with him - )

he’s nineteen when jeon jeongguk proposes to him.

( - and he gets down on one knee at yugyeom’s birthday party with that same shy smile from his first day at school - slides a silver ring on his finger in front of all of his friends - kisses him hard and fast as tears fill his eyes - because he wants to be with him  _ forever  _ \- )

he’s twenty now.

( - and now yugyeom wonders what would have happened then - if jeon jeongguk had never walked through that door - if when kunpimook said he’d punch jeon jeongguk for kissing him without permission yugyeom didn’t stop him - if he’d denied jeon jeongguk’s request to go out in the night that day - if he’d taken that ring and thrown it back in jeon jeongguk’s  _ fucking  _ face  - and now yugyeom wonders if he’d be happier.)

jeon jeongguk has ruined him.

-

it’s the late nights that yugyeom notices first.

jeongguk works at a bar down the street, putting his honey-like vocals to use, performing nearly every night. he’s a favourite of not only the owner but every single person who steps foot in the old place. jeongguk knows how to work a crowd, manipulating them with just a wink and a powerful note. he’d laughed when he’d spun stories about how easy it was to gain the hearts of customers and yugyeom had giggled at the tales of his conquests.

(yugyeom doesn’t laugh at jeongguk’s exploitation anymore. he’s faced it first hand.)

it’s always dark when he travels back home into yugyeom’s touch. but suddenly it’s pitch black, without yugyeom even noticing, 10pm turning to 1am in the blink of an eye. he’s not suspicious when jeongguk tells him excitedly that the owner had lengthened his hours to increase his pay, even though, as he watches the hours tick by as the hands on clock hanging in the bedroom move slow, he feels a sense of foreboding. 

he brings it up to mark one day, shrugging away his own worries as if they were nothing. but the older has this look in his eyes, as if he wants to suggest something, but keeps his mouth shut. and that sends alarm bells ringing in yugyeom’s head, because mark is undeniably smart, smarter than any of them, and if he thinks there is something wrong, it isn’t to be taken lightly. 

so he takes a closer look. and what he finds hurts.

phone calls. (calling the other  _ darling _ , a pet name that was always yugyeom’s and yugyeom’s alone, now casually using it for another person entirely - and that  _ burns _ , something that used to make yugyeom feel like he was floating being snatched away, and makes him  _ sick  _ whenever the word leaves jeongguk’s mouth.)

texts. (some so loving in nature that yugyeom could  _ gag _ . when he first witnesses them, scrolls through jeongguk’s messages and finds them addressed to ‘mochi’, he very nearly vaults the phone at the wall. he deletes jimin’s number a day later.)

pictures. (of tan skin, of strong thighs, of a curved cock. of what was definitely jeongguk, jeongguk’s body, bare for a boy who wasn’t yugyeom. but, somehow, it’s the answering photos that cause yugyeom to tear up, because jimin sent back - wasn’t nervous in the way yugyeom was - and maybe that made him better in jeongguk’s eyes.)

yugyeom could ignore it still, however. could pretend that every time jeongguk kissed him, he can’t taste another man on his lips. could pretend that he doesn’t die a little inside every time jeongguk shared a secretive glance with jimin. could pretend that his heart wasn’t constantly breaking. 

until one night, he sneaks into the apartment, as quiet as a mouse, hoping that jeongguk wouldn’t be waiting for him. and he hears  _ soft moans  _ and  _ harsh grunts  _ and  _ hips colliding _ and he hears the whispers of a name that isn’t his and he hears what he’d cover his ears to hide from in his nightmares.

he hides in the bathroom and covers his mouth as he sobs, but keeps on listening, keeps on listening to the man he loves fuck someone else, because for some reason he doesn’t run. running away is a coward’s move, hiding is a coward’s move - and yet yugyeom, brave yugyeom, can’t bring himself to storm in and yell because watching it would tear him apart more than it already had.

and when the lovers fall asleep, as quiet as corpses, yugyeom wishes that someone would die.

and he isn’t sure whether or not he wants that to be jeongguk.

or whether or not he wants it to be himself.

-

jeongguk kisses the way he loves: full of passion.

(full of broken promises and false assurances.)

he tastes like a pinch of chocolate and far too much beer to be healthy.

(and just a little bit of sweetness that tastes more sour then it should. maybe because it isn’t because of jeongguk, that taste, but the man he pushes into back rooms, with a strong figure to press kisses against, nothing like yugyeom’s soft edges and love handles.)

he smells like used cigarettes and old smoke and alcohol.

(a stench yugyeom scrunches his nose at, but still manages to catch the scent of something behind it - sex and musky cologne clinging to him - the smell of another man attached to him, ever present, always there, a constant reminder whenever yugyeom finds himself in the other’s arms.)

he connects their mouth in a dirty slide that makes yugyeom feel  _ dirty _ , ruined by just the very touch of him, destroyed by the way he licks him open. jeongguk’s hands are  _ everywhere,  _ fingers twirled in his dark hair, tugging him closer by the hip - and maybe a long time ago yugyeom would have enjoyed this, would have liked being treated so rough - but he’s seen the way the boy trying to take him apart has been so gentle, as if jimin was glass, as if one touch would  _ shatter  _ him - and it’s utterly wrong, because the only person in the equation who is anywhere near broken is him.

not jeongguk. not jimin. yugyeom.

he presses yugyeom down into the couch, holds him until hand-shaped bruises blossom on his pale skin and tears prick at the corners of his eyes. jeongguk will assume they’re from pleasure, assume that the reason he’s crying is because he’s lost in the way jeongguk touches him, overwhelmed - but it  _ hurts _ , marks his flesh with purple and blue in a way that no longer feels good.

(sometimes he closes his eyes, tries to push away the thought of everything around him, and imagines large, calloused hands - warm against him, barely brushing against him - and he’ll look up and see that crinkly eye smile that makes his heart flutter - )

jeongguk frowns when he hikes yugyeom’s oversized shirt up and finds him clad in white lace. it’s such a tiny, tiny victory and it’s almost pitiful how pleased yugyeom is, lips tilted up into a barely noticeable smirk. jeongguk likes him in black, tells him how pretty it is, the way it stands out against his skin - and sometimes yugyeom wonders if it’s really because he’s looks better in dark colours, or whether it’s because jeongguk attributes the lighter shades to the secret lover he runs to every night.

( - and those pink lips will curve into as grin as he gently slides yugyeom’s shirt off, will stare at him as if he’s a piece of art, precious - and he’ll tell him how lovely he looks, all dressed up in pure colours, tell him how pretty he is for his  _ hyung  _ \- )

when jeongguk pushes into him, the pain consumes him. it’s the torture of knowing (knowing who jeongguk really is - knowing what jeongguk does every night when he sneaks out of bed, thinking yugyeom is asleep, when he really, really isn’t - knowing that jeongguk likes to make him suffer, even if he hadn’t been aware at first) paired with the discomfort of a fuck with little preparation - and that’s all it is. a fuck. not the two of them making love. yugyeom doesn’t think it could be called that because it lacks tenderness, any care on either side - because jeongguk likes leaving yugyeom aching and yugyeom wants to ache, wants to burn, wants to be fucked till he’s numb and he can’t remember the torment waiting for him here.

( - and he’ll be so, so soft - will take him apart with nimble hands and will piece him back together just as easily - will hold him close, slot their bodies together, fitting together like they were made to be like this - and will kiss away any tears that form from yugyeom’s emotional state and whisper praises in his ears as he thrusts into him until he’s a sobbing mess - )

when it’s over, yugyeom holds jeongguk close.

( -  _ stop fucking thinking about him  _ \- )

when it’s over, he stares at the ceiling, as jeongguk falls asleep in the curve of his neck.

( -  _ it’s never going to happen, he’ll never love you, just  _ **_stay_ ** \- )

when it’s over,

( - he thinks of how much he hates and loves the boy on top of him - )

when it’s over,

( - he thinks of how much he adores a dark-haired man who isn’t afraid to fight back - )

when it’s over,

( - he makes a decision.)

-

park jinyoung is an aspiring actor with a busy schedule, which is why yugyeom feels so guilty about asking him to come to one of the worst districts in seoul at 4am.

yugyeom probably looks strange, just a tall boy on the side of the road surrounded by suitcases and boxes, face buried in his scarf and hands hidden in his pockets to protect him from the biting cold. he’s trembling, shaking all over - his legs sting, still-forming bruises concealed underneath his jeans - he’s crying, silent as tears trek down his face. he’s an absolute mess.

this is how jinyoung finds him, pulling up not at all carefully on the sidewalk and rushing out of his car. he looks barely aware, hair tangled, dark circles underneath his eyes - but he somehow manages to seem alert, racing over to yugyeom as quickly as he can. he looks beautiful in the moonlight and it’s such a cliche thought that yugyeom almost laughs at himself.

“gyeom-ah! fuck, are you alright?” the cursing shocks him. jinyoung only swears if he’s truly vexed and a sense of guilt fills yugyeom because of that.  _ you’re such a burden _ .

yugyeom doesn’t know how to respond. if this had been months ago, back when he was still hanging on to the remains of his relationship and hoping, pleading with himself to fix it, yugyeom would have lied. he would have forged a smile, ceasing the more genuine part of him that wants to yell, wants to shriek into the night about how much he hates  _ everything  _ \- how disgust festers inside at jeon jeongguk, at his pretty eyes and pretty lips and his not-so-pretty attitude, at how even despite this a little part of him still wants to run back up into the apartment and bury himself in jeongguk’s arms and keep on pretending until he physically can’t anymore, at how he can’t let go. 

but that yugyeom was long dead. the yugyeom who could act as if jeongguk hadn’t held his fragile heart in his hands and had smashed it into little pieces without even realising was long gone. because jeongguk hadn’t just shattered his heart - he’d torn apart his soul and his spirit, his very being, mutilating it until yugyeom was nothing, just an empty shell of his former self who found it harder and harder to keep on walking through life without just wanting to stop.

so he doesn’t reply. instead, he bursts into sobs, heart wrenching sobs that make his entire body shake with the force of them. yugyeom realises he hasn’t cried like this in years, even when he found it all out, even when he heard those hushed noises coming from what was no longer his bedroom, even when jeongguk became careless in the way he loved. he realises too, when jinyoung pulls him into his arms and tries to shush him, wiping away his tears as quick as they appear and whispering reassurances despite not knowing what was happening, that he hasn’t been comforted like this, treat like he meant something to someone, in such a long time either.

jeongguk has made him like this and he’s done nothing to help him, hasn’t even noticed.

and then, in that moment, he knows he’s made the right decision.

(and he tells jinyoung that, tells him everything as he presses his face against the window to cool his skin that burns from the anger that he can’t control - watches jinyoung’s hands tighten around the wheel and his focus struggling to stay on the road as yugyeom reveals every little detail - how jeongguk would run away to another, how yugyeom would try to forget every morning, how jeongguk wasn’t around enough to see the stack of boxes yugyeom hid in the most obvious place possible, how he didn’t feel like the apartment was even home to him anymore - how yugyeom waited until jeongguk had snuck out again and taken every piece of his life down in the stairs, left without even a note and then rang him, rang the one person he felt that he himself could run too. 

jinyoung doesn’t say much, just reaches over and tangles their fingers together. 

the small, seemingly insignificant action is all the comfort yugyeom needs.)

-

news travels fast in seoul, especially when all your friends know each other.

he’s at the dance studio when yoongi approaches him. yugyeom figures he’s probably wondering where hoseok is and he opens his mouth to direct him towards the other’s practice room, but the man just sits down next to him on the floor where he was resting.

he’s confused. yoongi  _ was  _ his friend, but yugyeom wasn’t sure if the other thought the same or not. he’d always imagined himself to be just an annoying younger boy who the other wished would stop disturbing his peace whenever he and jeongguk invaded his producing studio - and he has to shake himself out of the memories of  _ him _ . he doesn’t deserve a place in his thoughts anymore.

“hello, brat.” yoongi’s voice is rough, as it had been for years from the other’s smoking habit. but there’s something there, something else behind his usual bluntness, and yugyeom can’t put a name to it.

“um, hi, hyung?” it sounds more like a question than it should, because yoongi’s eyes are soft and he’s only ever seen him look at a select few in such a vulnerable way. 

“i heard.” it’s such a simple statement, but yugyeom knows exactly what he’s referring to, freezing as he locks eyes with yoongi. he doesn’t want to talk about him, talk about the demon who crawled inside of him and still won’t leave. jeon jeongguk follows him wherever he goes, no matter how hard he tries to escape.

“about jeongguk.” yugyeom’s tone is bland and it’s something he can’t help. he doesn’t bother with the nicknames he was so used to. jeongguk doesn’t deserve any familiarity from him. “and jimin,” he adds, an afterthought, because it’s so, so hard to connect the friendly boy to the accomplice to the murder of any life he had left in him.

yoongi sighs, sliding his hands into his pockets and bringing out his lighter to toy with. a nervous tradition of the other. “none of us knew.” and yugyeom figured as much. while it had become horribly clear that jeongguk and jimin were made to trick him, he doubted the others would lie to him. not seokjin, who acted as a parent to yugyeom when he needed guidance. not namjoon, with his intelligent heart, who hated seeing people hurt. not hoseok, who was far too kind for his own good. not yoongi, who hated people who strayed from their own loyalties. and not even taehyung, who was devoted to the two youngest of his makeshift family, but protected everyone who he cared for with a burning passion. “none of us ever thought he - they - would.”

yugyeom frowns. “what do you mean, hyung?”

“i know it’s hard to believe, but the kid adored you.” when yugyeom lets out an incredulous snort, far too bitter for a boy usually so cheerful, yoongi stares at him, as if not believing his reaction. “i’m not joking, yugyeom-ah. the first time you kissed, he wouldn’t stop stammering about the cute boy from his class.” yugyeom wants to laugh at that too, unable to link the idea of that confident boy in the hallway to the concept of embarrassment, but yoongi looks deathly serious. “he wouldn’t stop rambling about how you’d agreed to go out with him and i had to block his number to make him stop. the kid was so happy. and he was so excited to marry you. and jimin thought you were great together. i don’t understand-”

yugyeom gently lay a hand on his arm. “i don’t understand either, hyung.” his voice, filled with  barely contained hurt, stops yoongi for a moment. yugyeom doesn’t expect the other to wrap an arm around his shoulder, but the human contact makes him feel safe (maybe, just maybe, because somewhere along the line, jeongguk stopped touching him so tenderly) and he leans into it.

after a pause of silence, yoongi continues, his voice thick with emotion. “he didn’t - doesn’t - deserve you either.” yugyeom very nearly disagrees with him, very nearly lists off every way he’s fucked up up over the years, very nearly tells yoongi of the thoughts that haunt him at night - that it was his fault, that it was him that made jeongguk walk away. but he doesn’t. he just rests his head on yoongi’s shoulder and tries his best to pretend that he believes that too.

“yugyeom-ah.” yoongi’s tone is different again. the best word to describe it would be hard.

“yes, hyung?”

“if you see them again,” yoongi smirks, a feral, sharp thing. “give them hell.”

yugyeom almost questions him. almost asks why yoongi wants him to hurt the boys he had considered little brothers for most of his life. almost asks why everyone seems to be on his side, even though he knew they’d loved jeongguk and jimin more than they’d ever liked him. almost. but he doesn’t. he just nods.

“i will.”

(yoongi accidentally leaves his lighter behind. yugyeom stares at it for a solid minute, noticing the way the white contrasts with the dark wood of the floor, before snatching it and hiding it in his pocket. he burns all of jeongguk’s gifts in jinyoung’s garden, all the photos of them he had left, all of jeongguk’s clothes he had accidentally stolen. he returns it a week later. if yoongi had noticed how his lighter had no fluid left in it, he didn’t say anything.)

(jeongguk loved dark colours on yugyeom. he’d loved him in black, with equally dark hair - an easy thing to maintain. one night, when they are sitting together on the couch in jinyoung’s house, the older suggests he changes up a bit. he goes bright yellow without a second thought. it’s hard to keep up with the bleaching, but the idea of jeongguk’s displeasure makes yugyeom smile wider than it maybe should.)

(yugyeom realises one night that he’d been wearing his engagement ring without even realising. he’d had it for so long that it had essentially become a part of himself. but it’s easy to change oneself when it’s something as simple as a piece of jewellry. he passes jimin one day in the studio, the other avoiding his gaze, and he slides it off, throwing it in the other’s face gleefully. “this must belong to you now” are the words that leave his mouth and he finds himself giddy at the way jimin turns red in shame. when he tells jinyoung, the other can’t stop laughing.)

(these small acts of revenge? they make yugyeom feel  _ alive _ .)

-

sometimes, yugyeom hates his friends.

jackson had heard about a new club that opened up downtown and forced them all to go with him. jaebum and youngjae had both been easily swayed, as the pair always was when jackson was involved. kunpimook and mark had followed their unofficial leader, jinyoung not far behind. he’d even managed to drag namjoon and seokjin along. it seemed that yugyeom was the only one slightly uncomfortable with the idea.

(because alcohol scalded his tongue every night when jeongguk would slide his tongue into his mouth, enveloped him until it was the only thing he could taste - and yugyeom hates being reminded of that.)

the atmosphere of the club is stifling, heat building up from the masses of dancing bodies. if yugyeom had more confidence in himself, he might have joined them. instead, he sits, pulling at the choker around his neck out of nervousness. jackson, youngjae and jaebum had disappeared to buy drinks, mark and kunpimook were probably grinding against each other somewhere, namjoon and seokjin have disappeared, and here he is, sipping at his soda, next to an equally sober jinyoung.

jinyoung is lost in his own head, scrolling through something on his phone, so yugyeom is all alone when he notices  _ him  _ across the room. his hair is lighter, parted to show his forehead, and his face is thinner, his eyes more hollow - but yugyeom could recognise jeon jeongguk even if he was blind.

he doesn’t realise he’s blatantly staring when their eyes meet. the other’s face is transformed into an expression of shock and what appears to be something a little more loving, a little more longing. yugyeom practically snaps his neck in his attempt to look away as quickly as possible. he doesn’t want jeongguk here, back in his life, looking like yugyeom is the only person in the world who matters when he never has been to him.

yugyeom feels like a child when he leans forward and tugs on jinyoung’s sleeve. the expression he makes when yugyeom interrupts whatever he’s looking at is one of irritation, but it melts away when he sees yugyeom’s lost eyes.

“hyung,” he whimpers, feeling pathetic in the way he clings to the other for support. the world is spinning around him as he begins to lose control of his own emotions. “hyung,  _ he’s  _ here.”

yugyeom doesn’t need to clarify who  _ he  _ is. his tone of voice tells jinyoung enough, along with the fear in his eyes when he looks over jinyoung’s shoulder as discreetly as he can. he’s nearly buried into jinyoung’s jacket with how close they are and in another situation yugyeom would probably be inwardly squealing, but he’s too focused on jeongguk to notice.

“yugyeom-ah.” jinyoung’s voice is firm, but it does nothing to help yugyeom out of his fearful mindset. “gyeom-ah, look at me.” again, it doesn’t work. so jinyoung takes yugyeom’s face in his hands and turns his head to look directly at him.

they’re close enough that when yugyeom blinks back tears, his eyelashes brush against jinyoung’s skin, but he can’t realise that. his bottom lip is quivering and his whole body is shaking, violent enough that jinyoung can likely feel it underneath his fingertips. yugyeom shouldn’t be so terrified of jeongguk - but yugyeom knows the look in the other’s eyes well. it’s the same look he had in his eyes when he pushed a naive yugyeom against a wall and tainted him for the first time with his lips. 

determination.

and yugyeom knows what he’s determined to do. he’s determined to walk over to the table, to sweep yugyeom off his feet again, to win him over again through drinks and sweet talk. and yugyeom doesn’t want that, but knows jeongguk could - knows how much control jeongguk can exert over those around, knows how easily he could have yugyeom wrapped around his finger again. and that scares him more than anyone could ever know. 

he casts a quick glance and notices that jeongguk is walking over, nearing with every step, pushing through the crowds. he must have a death wish, ignoring the overly protective hyung who was clutching onto yugyeom - but jeongguk was an idiot at times and this as one of those times.

“hyung, he’s coming this way.” yugyeom looks back down to find that jinyoung’s dark eyes are staring that way too. murderous. that’s how jinyoung seems right now, his lips pulled into a frown that is very close to being a snarl, hold tightening on the younger. it’s nothing like the playful act of anger he likes to use whenever they enter into fake arguments. it’s animalistic.

he softens when he turns back to yugyeom. the look in his eyes is a little more tender, even if he seems clouded by the rage caused by the boy who broke yugyeom’s heart. “yugyeomie,” his tone is gentle, as if not to cause the younger any more distress. “do you trust me?”

“of course i trust you. why are you asking?”

his answer isn’t what he expects. jinyoung moves even closer, sliding his hands down to rest around his neck (a gentle touch in comparison hands that would hold tight and not let go, hands that yugyeom didn’t want to say no to but sometimes felt, in the aftermath, with bruises littering his skin, that it might have been better to) and pressing their lips softly together.

the kiss is so light (in comparison to the harshness of lips meeting he was so used to do, teeth pulling and biting till his lips were red raw) that yugyeom barely registers what is happening, ready to ask what jinyoung’s plan is. but then a tongue slides across his bottom lip and he realises, realises park fucking jinyoung is kissing him. willingly. and even if it’s just to make jeongguk back off, it makes yugyeom shudder, the way jinyoung carefully licks into his mouth.

when they separate, yugyeom’s face is flushed and his lips are slick, looking down as he attempts to avoid jinyoung’s gaze. because it’s easy to pretend that it’s fake, that he’s just going along with it - but it’s hard to hide the way he leans into jinyoung’s touch and the way he exhales a little moan.

“what is he doing?” jinyoung asks, a little breathless, staring up at him through half-lidded eyes. yugyeom already wants to kiss him again, missing his taste in the way he has never missed jeongguk’s.

“i don’t know.” and he doesn’t. he doesn’t want to know. he wants to keep gazing at jinyoung, memorise the way he looks right now, burn it into his memory. he wants to forget jeon jeongguk, forget the pain he caused, forget he ever existed.

and when jinyoung pulls him into another kiss, yugyeom doesn’t question it. he just lets jinyoung hold him close by his waist, molding them together, connecting the two in such a intimate manner that it’s hard for him, even after just a few minutes, to imagine the two of them not being like this. 

they must seem like a pair of young lovers lost in their own lust. and maybe yugyeom can pretend that’s all they are - that he hasn’t been pining for jinyoung for as long as he can remember, that his ex-boyfriend isn’t staring at them from the other side of the club, that this isn’t all for show. he tries to forget.

he tries to forget everything. as he always has.

-

“what are you doing brat?”

yoongi’s voice clearly tells of the exasperation the other feels as looks at the other across the table. his raised eyebrow at yugyeom’s appearance, wrapped up in a black coat with his face covered by a mask and a hat, also shows the other’s emotions clearly. 

“hiding.” yugyeom responds, sinking into his seat at the other’s sharp glare. “what, if hobi-hyung kissed you like that, you wouldn’t hide from him?”

yoongi blushes at the mention of the boy, but shakes his head, sipping at his coffee as he stares yugyeom down with his hard eyes. “first of all, that wouldn’t happen. second of all, you’re being an idiot.”

yugyeom scoffs at the other’s answer. “i’m not an idiot. i just don’t want my heart broken again.” if he had said those words to anyone else, they would have likely softened in their approach to his love life. but yoongi’s different, severe in the way the others aren’t, and usually yugyeom likes that about him, likes how little fucks his hyung gives - but right now all yugyeom wants to do is lock himself away from the world until jinyoung forgets the kisses they shared and they can go back to a sense of normality.

“he’s different, yugyeom-ah, you know that.” and yoongi’s right. jinyoung  _ is  _ different. he’s fiercely protective and caring in a way jeongguk never managed to be, even despite their ‘tom and jerry’ personas. even after all the time they spent at each others sides, jeongguk still managed to feel distant. he’d ‘known’ jeongguk for four years and had known jinyoung for less than half of that, after kunpimook introduced them, but it felt that him and jinyoung had been close for an entire lifetime. 

but, despite that, jinyoung would never love him. he knew that.

“he’s different, yeah, but he still doesn’t love me, hyung.” 

yoongi somehow manages to sound even more irritated his next words, hand clenched around the cup in his grip. “god, you’re so  _ stupid _ . the kid’s in love with you too.” yugyeom almost opens his mouth, almost protests, almost goes into detail about every single thing wrong with that statement, but yoongi continues before yugyeom can even blink (which is good, because it probably wasn’t the best for yugyeom to lay his insecurities out in the open in just a starbucks). “it’s obvious. we can all see it.”

“we?” yugyeom weakly asks, but yoongi ignores him.

“jinyoung-ah adores you. even jaebum-ah has never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you. you think someone who wasn’t in love with you would drive out at 4am when he had filming the same day and let you stay in his house for months?” yugyeom can’t help but notice truth behind yoongi’s words. because, yes, he won’t believe for a second that jinyoung is actually in love with him - but would jinyoung have done that for anyone else? (he remembers that, after one of jackson and jaebum’s fights, youngjae had wanted to find solace away from the heavy atmosphere and jinyoung was the only one out of all of them who didn’t share a space with another, and jinyoung had been so reluctant, liking the silence that came with living alone. and, in the end, it had been yugyeom himself who convinced him to let the other stay, just for a little while.)

so maybe jinyoung had a soft spot for him. that didn’t mean anything.

he tells yoongi as much, watching him rub a hand over his eyes as if he’d grown tired just by listening to objections. “nothing i say is going to change what you think.” yugyeom just nods with a sheepish smile and the conversation is quickly diverted away from the subject.

an hour later, when it’s time for yugyeom to go to dance, yoongi stops him just as he’s about to leave. “just talk to him, okay? you don’t have to say anything about how you feel, just ask him why he kissed you.”

“i’ll try, hyung.” yugyeom says. they both know it’s the best he’ll get and yoongi lets him go with a groan of frustration, watching him leave while grumbling under his breath. (yugyeom swears he hears him muttering about how “he fucking looks like he gets off just from arguing with you, but  _ no _ , he doesn’t feel anything” and it makes a flush travel all the way up to the tips of his ears.)

they both know it’s lie.

-

when yugyeom arrives back at what has become his home, it’s late and jinyoung is waiting for him.

he’s sitting on the couch, watching some old drama on the tv, wrapped in a blanket to keep himself protected from the bitter winter chill. when the door clicks open, he quickly looks up and smiles, eyes crinkling around the edges, face lit up - and it makes yugyeom’s heart race, at being on the receiving end of such a pretty grin.

“hey, hyung.” he meets the other’s smile with a small one of his own, still a little weary of how to act, because just days before jinyoung had held him in a manner that made him  _ melt _ , sinking into whatever touches the other would give him. he still wasn’t sure if jinyoung had noticed how each time their lips met, yugyeom would shiver and try to hold himself back from doing something stupid. he hoped he hadn’t. 

“we need to talk, gyeom-ah.” and at that, yugyeom nearly freezes, but he tries his best to play it off. he sets his coat down and carefully walks over to the couch, sitting down a little nervously. jinyoung curls an arm around his shoulder, sharing the blanket with him, and he relaxes a little into the warmth, but he’s still tense and he knows jinyoung can feel it.

“what about hyung?” he tries his best to keep his outward attitude positive, even though he’s so, so scared. he doesn’t want jinyoung to bring the kisses up, doesn’t want to hear the disgust in his voice, doesn’t want-

“i’m sorry.” 

_ wait, what? _

“sorry about what?” yugyeom ponders, confused. jinyoung has nothing to apologise for, not when he’s been the person yugyeom has been leaning on for emotional support for months. if anything, yugyeom should be the one saying sorry, for relying on him so much. 

jinyoung looks down, looks away, turns pink in colour, and yugyeom waits for it, waits for him to say something about leading yugyeom on with his soft kisses - but he doesn’t. “i’m sorry for the other night. i shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“hyung, it’s fine-”

“no, it’s not.” his interruption is so strong that it shocks yugyeom, makes him flinch (reminds him of how abrupt jeongguk could be, so firm and stern in his rejections of dates that it eventually just made yugyeom stop trying). jinyoung notices and concern flashes in his eyes, easing his tone into something a little less hard. “i took advantage of you, i shouldn’t have, i was just so focused on-” he snaps his mouth shut before he can finish and curiosity makes itself apparent.

“focused on?” yugyeom shouldn’t push, he knows he shouldn’t, especially when jinyoung seems so reluctant and unwilling to voice his thoughts, but he needs to know.

“making you  _ mine _ .”

jinyoung’s so quiet. yugyeom can barely hear it, but he does, just manages to catch the words before they disappear, before jinyoung can regret it enough to stop. and he doesn’t understand. “what?” he whispers.

jinyoung laughs, a hollow laugh so unlike the one yugyeom would make fun of before burying his face into his hands. “i’m sorry, gyeom-ah, i couldn’t help it. you’re just so hard to not fall for, everything about you is just too much, hyung’s so,  _ so  _ sorry-”

“you like me?” yugyeom’s own words are soft and jinyoung doesn’t even hear them, still rambling about how pretty yugyeom is and how perfect he always found him, even when they got stuck in their arguments, and how jinyoung hated himself for falling for him when he knew he would never have him - and it’s so wrong  _ but  _ so right, because the praise makes his toes curl in his converse and because the self-loathing words make him want to take jinyoung in his arms and never let him go. because jinyoung should never love him but everything he’s saying makes it seem like he  _ is _ .

and yugyeom makes another decision.

he takes jinyoung’s face in his hands, a gentle touch, mirroring the way he had been held himself just nights before. jinyoung stops, stops his far too negative talk, and yugyeom takes the moment of silence to lean in close and brush his lips against the other’s own.

it’s just a peck and it lasts for barely longer than it second. but when yugyeom pulls back, already inwardly berating himself for being so forward, even as his heart sings at the possibility of jinyoung (jinyoung wanting him, loving him, never wanting to let him go), jinyoung has already changed, his sorrowful expression switched for one of surprise.

“yugyeom-ah?” jinyoung’s voice is breathy. his eyes search for an answer in yugyeom’s face.

yugyeom swallows, pushing down the side of him that promised to never speak of his feelings for jinyoung. “hyung, i- i  _ like  _ you too.” he stammers through the confession, eyes never straying from jinyoung’s own.

when jinyoung pulls him back into another kiss, yugyeom doesn’t protest.

(“gyeom-ah, let’s take things slow.”

“alright, hyung.”)

-

their promise of taking things slow is broken about a week in.

yugyeom only realises this sitting on jinyoung’s face on their now shared bed. jinyoung’s got him spread open for him to play with, body pliant as he’s moved into just the right position so the other’s neck doesn’t ache.

(it’s weird, how loved yugyeom feels like this. but he can’t help but think of how jeongguk never looked after him in their intimacy, how all the focus was on him and what he wanted and never what yugyeom felt comfortable with - and how jinyoung is making sure he’s alright, whispering reassurances as he rubs calming circles into his hips, how the focus is on him, for once.)

when jinyoung traces around his rim with his tongue, yugyeom nearly collapses, the only thing keeping him steady being jinyoung’s firm grip on his thighs. he’ll likely leave bruises, yugyeom thinks, but it doesn’t hurt, not in the way jeongguk’s hold always did (maybe because he can sense love in what jinyoung’s doing). jinyoung holds him still, sucking at his rim until he’s cross-eyed with pleasure. he flicks his tongue against his hole, opening him up, licking and licking until tears of pleasure are filling yugyeom’s eyes. his hole is wet, relaxing under jinyoung’s attention until he’s loose enough for him to slip a thumb in to hold him open for his tongue to slide in as deep as possible. and jinyoung fucks him like that, holds him close and buries his face between his legs, eagerly lapping at his rim until the torture is too much and yugyeom gasps out, telling him to stop.

jinyoung rolls them over, holds him in his arms as he calms himself away from the brink, presses kisses onto yugyeom’s neck and chest. he praises him with every touch, letting him know how pretty he looks underneath him, tells him how much he loves his sharp collarbones, the contrasting soft plush of his chest and tummy, his perky nipples, his thick thighs, his little cock and his tight ass - admires and adores yugyeom until he feels like sobbing because no one has ever treated him in this way, like he’s some sort of masterpiece. and when jinyoung fucks him with his fingers, he takes it slow, squeezing in one finger after the other only when he knows that it won’t hurt, brushing over his prostate again and again to make him squeal as he stares at every little expression he makes awe.

when jinyoung finally slides into him, it leaves yugyeom dizzy with pleasure. jinyoung fucks into him deep, unhurried in his thrusts as he takes yugyeom apart with each movement of his hips. he bumps against his prostate every time, abusing it until yugyeom is clawing at his shoulders and screaming, shouts echoing through the room. jinyoung tangles their fingers together, anchoring yugyeom back down to earth, keeps pistoning in and out until yugyeom falls to pieces, wailing as he cums, his hole sloppy and loose when jinyoung pulls out, spreading his cheeks to stare unabashedly at the mess he’s made with a smirk that leaves yugyeom quaking even more than the aftershocks of his orgasm.

and jinyoung cleans him up and embraces him with careful soft hands, murmuring about how  _ good  _ he is and how much he  _ loves  _ him.

and yugyeom doesn’t regret not taking it slow for the life of him.

-

yugyeom sees jeongguk for first time in a long time at one of hoseok’s parties.

he looks different again. his cheeks have filled out again and his features are overall softer. his hair is darker than ever, black, like when yugyeom saw him for the first time in that classroom, and it falls over his eyes. he’s clad in just a flannel and a pair of old jeans, nothing fancy. he looks youthful, happy.

yugyeom’s heart doesn’t burn at the sight of him anymore, which is a good sign.

their eyes meet by accident when yugyeom moves to get a drink. jeongguk looks goddamn terrified, just at the sight of him, and yugyeom smiles at that, smiles at  _ him _ . it’s a bittersweet smile, but a smile all the same, and he can see how jeongguk’s eyes turn soft. maybe yoongi had been right when he’d said jeongguk was - had always been - in love with him.

even if he was, it didn’t matter anymore.

he isn’t surprised, however, when a hand grabs his arm and drags him upstairs, jinyoung pushing him into the bathroom and locking the door behind him.

“do you have to be so obvious?” yugyeom complains, knowing how everyone had seen him hauled into the one room in the house with a working lock. it was obvious what he was planning on doing. but jinyoung was always possessive and had little shame.

“he needs to know you’re mine.” jinyoung growls out, already untucking yugyeom’s shirt from his jeans and working to unzip them, pushing him against the sink. yugyeom just sighs and wraps his arms around the other’s shoulders.

“you’re ridiculous.”

“you  _ love  _ me.”

“of course i do.”

**Author's Note:**

> i take prompts! hit me up on [my tumblr](https://joongyeom.tumblr.com/) if you've got a request


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